Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Happy New Year! 2010

Last year I said I was happy to see the year go, I can't say as I am sad for this one to be ending either. While my family survived and even thrived at times, there was so much sadness for so many others.

I hope that 2010 brings health and happiness to us all, an end to the heartbreak and sadness for many of my friends and family, a better economy, and the safe return of all of our soldiers.

Ah, one of the awesome(not)things about blogging your resolutions it they are still here, in black and white, not on some long ago trashed piece of paper.

So here they are, last years resolutions:

#1 Be a better wife, mother, and friend
I think I have been successful at at least the first two, I am happier, more gentle, and less angry in general. You will have to ask my friends for the last one.

#2 Have a healthy baby!
Actually for a while there I was afraid I couldn't even conceive anymore, but I was able to in September sadly it was another loss.,

in order to to this I have to commit to a few more:
A. Lose 10% of my weight
I need to lose much more, but this is a start
I actually gained 5 pounds. The great knee disaster really hampered my ability to, you know MOVE, for SEVEN damn months. The first month I was bed bound,the next three on crutches, and only in the last two months can I walk without a brace. It's still painful as hell though.
B. Take vitamins and eat well balanced meals
actually doing good on this (most of the time)

#3 Save even more money with coupons
Excluding the last month, I was totally successful with this!

#4 Continue to get A's in college

#5 Blog at least 4 days a week
Did ok with this not 4 days, but I did post a fair amount

My goals for 2010 are pretty much the same. Except I am adding one more:

I am going to work hard on remembering everyday that I am blessed.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Lessons Learned From Christmas 2009

This Christmas was wonderful, but overwhelming.

It started on Christmas Eve, I cooked an huge meal. My brother, father and two of my sisters (Amanda and Alex)came over and we chowed and let Alex open her gifts. As we were all sitting in my living room chatting and groaning over our full bellies, the front door swung open. We all sat there confused and looking at each other, as a total stranger attempted to walk in my house. Finally Amanda spoke up and said, I think you have the wrong house! The woman, who was clearly drunk as a skunk, just nodded, like "oh yeahhh I think you are right" and turned to leave. We quickly locked the door and resumed our evening.

My brother and sister (Amanda)spent the night, so they could see the boys open gifts bright and early. Little did they know HOW early that would be.

There were WAY too many presents, a huge percent of them care of my super generous sister. There were about 130 gifts all together. So when Jordan woke up at 2am to go potty and saw this:

He screamed, "Santa CAMMMEEEEE" until all his brothers were wide awake. And they never went back to sleep. Neil and I admitted defeat at 5am and let them open gifts. That is when the carnage ensued.

We have enough garbage from boxes, packaging, and paper to cover several city blocks.

Later in the day my dad came back, then my mom and step dad, then another sister(Jennifer) and Micheal her very soon to be hubby.

At the end of the day, we all collapsed!

The lessons learned:
Lock the damn front door.
Limit the number of gifts.
Buy the huge hefty lawn bags to clean up the aftermath!
I have a huge damn family!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

Hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

Slap yo momma Sweet Potato Pie

I combined about six recipes to get this one, but hot damn is it good!

Sweet Potato Pie.

yield 2 pies

2 (9 inch) unbaked pie crust
4 cups ROASTED and mashed sweet potatoes (about 3-4 lbs)
4 tablespoons butter, softened
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Mix together mashed sweet potatoes, butter, and eggs. In a separate bowl, mix together sugar, flour, and salt. Mix in spices. Add to sweet potato mixture and stir well. (I just dumped into my beloved Kitchen Aid Mixer)

3. Mix together buttermilk and baking soda. Add to sweet potato mixture and stir. Mix in vanilla extract. Pour filling into pie shells.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 70 minutes, until set in center.

Tips: I normally cover the edges of my pies with foil to prevent burning, but the pie got stuck to it and didnt look so pretty at the end. If you do that take the foil off before the half way mark.

I have peeled, cubed, and boiled the sweet potatoes, then mashed or baked them til soft. I prefer the roasted version since they have a better flavor.


I haven't posted for the past week, because I have had a hard time putting into words the way I have been feeling. I have worked so damn hard to be okay with the fact that another baby may not be in the cards for us. Yet, in the back of my mind I have been constantly aware that in a few months, it will be three years since we lost Kai. Never, in a million years, did I think that day, that I wouldn't have another baby by now.

How do I stop my heart from feeling heavy and sad, every time I see a baby? How do I tell myself it's okay to be done at three? I know that so many others struggle to have just one.

I am still young (ish), I have time. It could still happen. I think that glimmer of hope is what makes it harder. If there was none at all, there wouldn't be a question.

I feel ridiculous being depressed, when I am so blessed, but it's where I am right now.


I wrote this post this morning and decided to not hit publish. After dealing with my crazy boys all day, I still feel this way, but less raw about it all.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ho Ho H...oly crap, what the hell was I thinking?

I won't be online line much today. I will be baking Happy Birthday Jesus cupcakes, making 3 kinds of candy, and caramel popcorn.

I was thinking making the boys' teachers, instead of buying gifts would be more frugal and fun.

I am rethinking that now. First, it's not cheap. AT. ALL. Second, damn I have to MAKE it all.

I am happy to make it actually, just freaking out a bit about how much I have to do today.

If you don't hear from me by tomorrow. Send help. I will probably be stuck to the floor and covered in caramel and chocolate, and not in the good way.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Clean House, Pissy Mommy

Back in the early years of our marriage, before we were blessed with the kiddos, our house was immaculate.

I was neurotic.

Our bathroom towels were tied with raffia bows. I folded the end of the toilet paper into a triangle. Really I did. Everything was shiny and clean.

And it stayed that way even after Noah came along. I don't even remember when I stopped tying little bows on the towels or stopped bothering to put the damn toilet paper on the roll (screw folding the ends). I just ran out of energy for things like that after I got pregnant with Jordan. Then I was put on bed rest and it all fell to crap. The house was a mess and I couldn't fix it. After he was born it just stayed that way.

Fast forward, Isaiah came along and we moved into a new house. I was determined for it to be a new start. Neil and I both were super on top of the household chores. The house stayed perfect for about a year. And in that time I noticed, I was freaking miserable. I didn't want to let the boys make crafts. I freaked over the littlest mess. I was the yelling, screaming mom I never wanted to be.

I had to let go a little. There is a difference between disaster and lived in.

Today I spent all morning cleaning. The house was pretty clean ie, the bathroom did not smell like a truck stop (that's something no one warns you about with a house of boys, they miss the toilet, A LOT). As soon as they got home from school the tornado began and I found myself freaking out and yelling.

I have friends with perfect houses and they seem pretty sane. But I just don't think I am cut out for that. Is it wrong to think that a immaculate house is not worth the stress?

Do you stress over the little messes? Do you have kids and still manage to tie bows on your towels? If you do, please tell me what you secret is! Or what meds you are on.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Meeting

Today I met with Noah's education team to review his recent tests. Every three years the school system retests ESE students for IQ, person skills, social skills, and in Noah's case the Autism Spectrum as well. With the amazing new skills he has gained this year, I was hopeful for great news.

I guess I should back up a bit. Noah's initial IQ test showed he fell very low on the scale. His scores put him in the intellectually disabled category. Most of the team thought these scores were not going to be the same forever. Most people's IQ never changes, but in his case they thought it was more a matter of him not understanding the questions.

So on to today's results...

Noah's IQ has not changed. This is not all bad news, because these tests are aged based, and while he didn't improve, it does show he is maturing. All of his tests showed him to be in the 4-6 year old range. Which at 9 is far from awesome, but again it showed growth. Last time he was in the 2-3 year old range. So in the last three years he has gained a lot of skills. THIS is a huge relief to me. I KNEW he was growing. I KNEW he was learning, but I needed to hear it. I lived in fear for this whole time that he would stay 2-3 years old. Today showed he is still three or four years behind. What is that span of time when he is 20? Not much.

I am thrilled. We are plowing through. He is growing smarter, stronger, and happier everyday.

Tonight he read 10 index cards to me. READ. No pictures, just words. I am so damn proud!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Caught Green Handed

Guess who got into the green food coloring?

What happens when you can't think of a post.

I have been trying really hard to think of something to post about that isn't Christmas related. And I have come up with some brilliant posts. Why aren't they on here you ask? Because I get these great ideas, in bed, after I have taken my Tylenol PMs. Then I wake up in the morning and I totally forget what I was going to write. I thought of a great one the other day and it is driving me CRAZY trying to remember what the hell is was going to be about.

Since I can't remember I will just leave quick updates:

*School is almost over for the semester for me and I am sooo damn happy about it. My brain needs a break. And I am sick of feeling torn.

*Noah and Jordan took part in a school play last week and I missed it.
I sobbed all the way to my class, knowing I was missing them. I had no choice, it was the last class before a final. I am a stay at home mom, I feel like I shouldn't be missing these things. But it happens. Neil taped it and both kids did fantastic.
And I survived.

*I am almost done Christmas shopping. Wrapping...now that's another story.

*I start baking and making candy next week for the boys' teachers!

*Oh and in the not so awesome category, I broke a tooth eating a McMuffin. Really. There was a pebble sized bone in the sausage and CRACK. A huge piece of molar broke off. Sigh. It HURT. I think it was God's way of telling my fat ass not to eat them anymore. Either that or it is time to switch to Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuits.

*But in totally awesome news, I won a $250 gift card to MacMall and $500 to a local charity. Isaiah's preschool had chosen to help the HOPE Foundation this year, so I donated my win to them. Totally awesome!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Yep, it's another post about Christmas...

I may have mentioned I like Christmas, 400 times. As you saw my love of Christmas has rubbed off on Noah. My husband grew up a Jehovah's Witness and really didn't get my adoration of the day. I have been whittling away at his disconnect from Christmas for 12 years and I think my whittling may have snap something in him, because this year? HE is nuts!

Rather than be upset the tree I picked scraped the ceiling (literally it left marks), he was proud! Our tree is the biggest of all of his friends!

And then there is the yard.

That carousel is 8 feet. EIGHT FEET people.

There is an older couple down the road that goes all out, people from the entire neighborhood stop and look at their house. Hubby is now taking it as a person insult if people stop in front of their house and not ours. He is now on a quest to destroy the sweet elderly folks down the road. While driving by them working in the yard, dh muttered, "I got you, I got you". Did I mention we had the van windows open? I am pretty certain the he scared them.

We are now on the hunt for a giant inflatable Mickey Mouse Santa and by we, I mean HIM.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Lights

The other day I posted the video of Noah at the Osborne Spectacle of Lights, here are the still shots I took that day. I love Disney!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Pure Happiness

Noah LOVES the Osborne Spectacle of Lights which is now at Disney's Hollywood Studios.
I have never seen him so excited about something! The video turned out sideways. Will know not to turn the camera that way next time!

Also, this is a child who they tell me can't count to 15, but some how managed to remember this whole song!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Oh Christmas Tree part 2

I am very proud of myself! I only coerced dh to open and shake out about five trees. We had a tree picked out in about 20 minutes, which has to be a record for me. Never mind the fact that it took us 30 minutes to tie the sucker to the top of the van. The guys working at Lowe's were awesome, super sweet to the boys and helpful about trimming and bagging the tree (and, no I wasn't paid to say that, I am not cool enough to be paid to say anything). The tree fits in the house, barely. Its VERY close to the ceiling, but there is just enough room to squeeze in a star.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Oh Christmas Tree part 1

Christmas is coming!!

It's our little family's tradition to bring home our Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving. I would have it up already, but dh is mean about such things. He thinks Thanksgiving should have its own holiday without Christmas infringing on it, blah blah blah. He is right, I just want my tree.

Ahhh the tree. I have a little problem when it comes to picking out the tree. My poor dh had no idea what he was getting into that first Christmas, 12 years ago. It was just us back then and it took me close to an hour to pick the tree. I settled on a 9 foot tall blue spruce. The problem with that? Our THIRD story apartment only had 8 foot ceilings. He had to drag that thing up three flights of stairs and attempt to stand it up. Once it was in the stand, leaning over to the side, since we could not stand it up all the way, we cut the ties. That sucker shot all over the house ala National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. We cut a foot off the top, stood it up straightish and it took over half our little living room. I LOVED that tree.

Over the years, I got a bit better with the whole spacial reasoning and pick out a tree that actually fits in our house. But I still driving him nuts! We spend at least 30 mins open, shaking out, and comparing trees. And when I say we, I mean he does all the work, while I carefully inspect them all. God only knows how he puts up with me!

Tomorrow is tree day! Be on the look out for a picture filled post!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Beach in November

They were determined to swim even though it was FREEZING!

Cold? Not us!


I try to remember to be thankful everyday. It's not always easy to see it, but I am so damn blessed. I said a few days ago, I love Thanksgiving because it's not about what gifts you give or receive. It's about being grateful and spending time with those you love.
Tomorrow (and everyday)I am thankful for:

My husband

My kids. More specifically;
That Jordan is growing up so much and is reading so well now.
That Isaiah is such a sweet loving boy, is healthy and strong, and smart.
That Noah is coming our of the autism shell and really blooming.

That my kids love to sing along with the radio, LOUDLY.

That despite some economic struggles we are able to pay our bills.

My brother and sisters.

My mom and dad.

On a much more superficial level:

For Glee. I really love that show!

For my kitchen aid mixer.

For the contest I won that is going to help with Christmas shopping.

On a different level all together:
I am even thankful for the miscarriage in September, at least I know I CAN still get pregnant.I am not sure where the fertility road will take us this year, but I am ok with where ever it goes.

I am blessed beyond measure.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Black Friday Battle Plans

The ladies over at Twitter Moms ask, "Whats your black Friday plan of attack this year?"

Gosh I guess I should really think about that, huh?

Two years ago, my sister and I decided it would be fun to go to the mall that was opening at midnight and since they were doing a gift card giveaway we go there at 8 to get in line. The store doing the giveaway let a crowd of a thousand build up, then at midnight opened ONE SINGLE DOOR. The result? People were trampled, shoved, hit, kicked, and a baby stroller WITH A BABY IN IT was flipped over. My sister and I have both had crowd anxiety ever since.

Last year we took a much less ambitious trip.

This year, I am shorter on cash and need to get the most bang for my buck. However with my quasi crippled knee, I don't think I can take the rush of the crowd. I love that Target has sale prices all day long and usually has more than enough merchandise. Even better and less stressful is shopping at Target.com

I know Target is on my list, but I need to get my grubby little hands on the Thanksgiving day paper before I can finalize my battle plans! I know for sure I will print out any coupons and have my giant box o' coupons with me.

What's your plan?

Want to enter to win a Target $75 gift card? Head over to Twitter Moms to find out more!

Monday, November 23, 2009

This Week: A preview

This week I will:

1. Attempt to clean the house with all three boys home.

2. Attempt to shampoo the carpets.
I actually managed to do this today
3. Make peppermint patties.

4. Make playdough with the kids.

5. Prep and cook a HUGE Thanksgiving meal. I have a 25lb, that sucker is HUGE.

6. Go shopping on Black Friday.

7. Get a tree.

8. Make the house look like Christmas exploded all over it.

9. Make bread.


*These are only goals. Please don't hold me to them, because more than likely I will fail at several of them and others I won't even attempt (see #10)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Have you ordered your Christmas cards??

Thanks to Freebies for Mom you can get 50 free 4 by 8 photo cards for free, with free shipping! Check it out here.

This offer seemed too good to be true, but it is legit. I just got my cards in the mail today and they are adorable (it helps that my cute kids are on it). All you need is a picture and you are ready to go.

The offer expires Nov. 30.

Also care of Money Saving Mom you can get an addition 50 cards by entering the code newbaby. You have to do this in 2 different transactions.

***Edited to change they are now charging a shipping fee of about $3.00

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Oh. No. It's a Meme.

Since my brain is numb lately, I am totally cheating and doing a meme, thanks Jaded Perspective for the idea!

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. My dad's girlfriend.

2. Where was your first kiss? at a 6th grade party

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? Nope, I am a chicken shit.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes, playfully.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Yes. In high school show choir. I loved it and miss it like crazy.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? attitude

7. What really turns you off? Ignorance

8. What do you order at Starbucks? nothing. can't have caffeine. sob

9. What is your biggest mistake? there were a few things I probably should not have done, but I cant think of a "mistake" in particular

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Sadly, yes. Loss of baby+depression=hurtingself

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I am terrified of change.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? In high school I was told I looked like Jennie Garth. Those were the days...now I look like I ate her.

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I get sucked into The Electric Company all the time. Its sad really

14. Did you have braces? Nope, never had dental ins as a kid, but I have pretty decent teeth.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yep, I am short as hell.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? The list is so long, my dh is a freaking saint.

17. When do you know its love? YES

18. Do you speak any other languages? I used to be fluent in spanish, but now I can kinda get by if I needed to.

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? No. WAY. Pasty and proud.

20. What magazines do you read? Whatever ends up in front of me.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Once for like 5 minutes.

22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? My grandpa. My baby, though I never met him.

23. Do you watch MTV? Nope. No cable.

24. What’s something that really annoys you? TIVO, Vampires, stupid people, Glen Beck (one in the same as the last one).

25. What’s something you really like? Date days with dh, snuggling my boys, Disney.

26. Do you like Michael Jackson? meh

27. Can you dance? Used to be able to. Mah knee is has ruined that.

28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up? All night. All the time. I don't sleep well.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? no

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? heck ya

Monday, November 9, 2009


In his birthday post, I wrote about how much progress Noah has made in the last year, I continue to be amazed about the little man he is becoming.

It's the silly little things that the average parent takes for granted. Like spontaneously telling me he loves me, I waited nine years for that! And telling jokes, making friends, talking to people in public. These were all things, I was not sure I would ever see. Autism is a crazy puzzle. We have been working so hard to find the right pieces. While we are no where near complete, we are finding those pieces.

On Sunday we were visiting Animal Kingdom and the boys were chosen to be part of the Festival of the Lion King show. This was not the first time, it has actually happened a few times, but in the past (with the exception of once) Noah has refused to take part. This time he jumped up and happily danced and sang. Giving high fives to performers and all!

Right now we are in the process of retesting him through the local school board, when he was first tested he scored in the 1-3 yo mental range and with an iq below 60. He was almost 6. There have been the lingering questions, will his iq be that lower forever? Will he be stunted at 1-3 yo forever? These new tests will give us a better idea. I can say that in the test for mental age, I could tell by the questions, he is closer to the 4-6 yo range now. Which, if correct means, he is maturing! Albeit at a slower rate, but by the time he is an adult, could be less important.

This gives me a whole new hope for his future.

Free Christmas Cards!!

This offer is too incredible not to share!!! Thanks to Freebies 4 Mom you can get 50 free Christmas Cards with free shipping. Go here for this awesome new offer

CVS Deals for this Week

Once again CVS has offered very little in the ECB department. Since my boys have all alternated being sick for the past month, the Tylenol cold sale caught my eye.
I picked up:

4 Children's Tylenol cold $6 each
used 2 $3/2 coupons
Earned 10 ECBs
I also used a $5/20 ip from the CVS website
and 10 ECB.
Total out of pocket was $3.xx

I am hopeful that the CVS sales and ECB opportunities will pick up soon, last year I was able to get some incredible deals on black Friday!

Carrot Cake

I am reposting this for Thanksgiving! Since I just started making this cake this year, it will be the first Thanksgiving I serve it. I LOVE Thanksgiving. I need to get cracking on finalizing my menu!

This is the best Carrot Cake EVER! A word of warning, it is ssoooo not diet food. In fact, I am pretty sure I gained a pound making it!


for cake
3 eggs
3/4 cup buttermilk
3/4 cup canola oil
1 1/2 cups white sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 cups shredded carrots
1 cup flaked coconut
1 (8 ounce) can crushed pineapple with juice

for frosting:
1/2 cup butter room temp.
1 bar cream cheese
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 lb confectioners sugar


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour an 8x12 inch pan.
(I have tried this in just about every pan, I find it cooks best in thinner layers but just adjust cooking time for the size of pan, ie less time for thinner layers. for this size pan start check cake at the 30 min mark)

2. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Set aside. (honestly I usually just dump them in the kitchen aid mixer after step 3)

3. In a large bowl, combine eggs, buttermilk, oil, sugar and vanilla. Mix well. Add flour mixture and mix well.

4. In a medium bowl, combine shredded carrots, coconut, and pineapple.

5. Using a large wooden spoon or a very heavy whisk, add carrot mixture to batter and fold in well. (or as I mentioned above, dump into the mixer)

6. Pour into prepared 8x12 inch pan, and bake at 350 degrees F for about an 1 hour. Check with toothpick.

Let it cool at LEAST 2 hours, I find it tastes best if it sits overnight.

For frosting:

Beat butter and cream cheese (best at room temp) til its creamed, add vanilla, then slowly add the powdered sugar. Beat for 4-5 minutes until well mixed and smooth.

Go check out the Thanksgiving Recipe fun at A Southern Fairytale! You can enter to win a $15 Coupon for a Butterball Turkey!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I am not dead...just frazzled.

Damn it's been a bit since I posted. I am overwhelmed with school AGAIN. I am burned out, taking summer classes was probably not a bright idea. I have only had a few school free weeks in the last year.

I need a break.

As I write this post, I SHOULD be writing a rousing speech about the benefits of comprehensive sex education programs. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Speaking of the fun that is being an old chick in college, I am struggling with what I want to be when I grow up. I know, I know, 31 is kinda already grown up. It's more like what I want to be when my kids grow up. When I started going back to school long long ago, I thought I wanted to be a nurse. After a scary incident with a friend that involved blood and a seizure, I realized there was no way in freaking hell I could handle nursing.

So I went to what seemed to me, the next most obvious mommy job, teaching. The first few teaching classes were awesome. I didn't even mind working in the schools, but I am doubting myself now. Dealing with my sons teachers, county red tape, and seeing nonstop budget cuts, I am left wondering if this is really what I want to do. And then there is another problem...

I really don't care for other people's kids. Which could be an issue, since teachers, teach, you know, KIDS. I mean I love kids, but I think my boys sap up all my patience and understanding.

So if I don't want to teach or be a nurse, what do I want to do?

Another thing to consider is Noah will more than likely not be able to be alone after school, even through high school, and care for special needs is expensive as hell.

I am close to my AA, after a short 3 years (I am going half time). I need to decide something, unless I chose to get a general AA and decide a major later. Thank God I didn't go to college when I was young and indecisive!

Monday, October 26, 2009

So annoyed, I can't even think of a title

I hate WalMart. I make every effort to avoid the hell hole, particularly the one in the closest town to me. On the average visit you are likely to see the ghetto and/or redneck elite of the area. Last Thursday, I needed treat bags and the first store I stopped by was out, so I ran/limped into WalMart.

Thought I could be in and out in a second. As I was walking to the register I noticed a mother dealing with a 6-8 yo boy having a total meltdown, cry and wailing. I heard her tell him they were leaving, she headed to the closest register, with him still sobbing behind her.

I went to a register two aisles over, my heart went out to the mother, because, dude, we have ALL been there at some point. As the mother of an Autistic son, I have had more than my share of public meltdowns. Heck even my "normal" son's have done this.

What happened next BLEW my mind. The cashier and a customer were having a very rude and vile conversation about the mother and her son. Before I share that, let me paint a picture...
Customer: heavy (like really heavy), late 30's, cami tank top (NO BRA) short shorts and beat up flip flops
Cashier: avg, walmart attire, several odd piercings, her name in gold in her earrings and necklace (in case she forgot?), painted on eyebrows, and of course 12 inch fake nails

Here is the conversation:
Customer: If that was my f**king kid, I would be beating his a$$.

Cashier: Ain't no way in hells, I would be lettin my kid punk me like that Sh%t.

Customer: It's her own fault, she dont be whoopin his a$$ enough. (she takes off her
narsty flip flop and starts acting out beating the child) I be beating my kids a$$es with my shoes when they bad in public.

Cashier:hell yeah. she ain't no good mom to be letting her kid ak like that here.

* at this point my HEAD is about to explode and I can't stay quiet*

me: Excuse me but you don't know her or her child. I have a son with special needs and he does things like that. The last thing I need in the situation is to hear people like YOU talking about me while I try to cope.

Customer: Well that's all good for you, but I would still beat his a$$

me: you ARE aware if you beat a child with a shoe in a public place, you will probably go to jail, right?

Cashier: Oh no I won't (insert finger waggin and head motions). It be my right to beat my kids a$$.

There is more but you get the point. So I pick up my few items and leave for another register, before I jump over the damn counter and and beat the B#tch with MY shoe.

I tell the next cashier what happened, it turns out she also has a special needs son and is disgusted by the conversation. She asked me to speak with the manager and I did. The managers response? "So what do you want me to do about it?"

Keep it classy WalMart.

*I have no idea if this kid was special needs or just having a fit, but either way this conversation was just wrong.
**I should have just ignored them, but for some reason child abuse riles me up.
***These ladies were both not minorities and this was pretty much word for word what they said (the best I can recall)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Being Truthful

With Twitter and the blogoshere all aflutter with TSAgate09. The topic of being truthful is all over. *For the record, I have chatted with the person involved a few times in the past and really like her. I have no idea what really happened that day. It's not my story. Granted, my busybody nature wants to know, but I will have to get over it.*

Anyhoo back to what I was saying... Being truthful.

Ugh this is hard for me, I have never lied on twitter or my blog. But I tend to gloss over. I have a horrible time letting it all out. Even in my "venting" posts, it isn't all there. I also have a lot to tell about things that have happened to me, but I can't.

I have these numbing fears; of hurting people, of letting people down, of coming across whiny, or people judging me.

I try to come across as a happy person, who has it all together (ha ha), who is strong, and who can take the knocks life seems to constantly hurl my way.

But the truth is, I am angry, I am sad, I am lost... so freaking lost.

Even as I type these words, I feel like a weak loser.

I don't feel like there is a single person on earth I can tell all the crap that is in my head too.

I admire all the ladies that can lay it all out. Just pour their hearts into post after post. After blogging for more than a year, I feel like my blog is still superficial (with the exception of a few posts). I have no idea how to convince myself it's ok to be truthful about how I feel.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wordless Wednesday:Epcot at Night

Because you can never have too much Disney!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My CVS Shopping Trip 10/13

OMG I am just as shocked as all of you. I am actually posting a money saving post!

Because of our car issues, I was not able to get to CVS on Sunday like I hoped to. I was not surprised that my CVS was out of the pumpkin carvers. But I was still able to get some good deals.

2 Gillette Fusion Razor sale $9.99 ea
Used 2 $4/1 coupons
Earned 5 ECBs when you spend $15 on Gillette

2 Garnier Hair Colors sale $4.99
Used 2 $2/1 coupons AND 1 $3/2 hair color CVS coupon

1 Pumpkin trick or treat bag sale .99
Earned .99ECBs

2 candy corns sale 2/.88

1 Johnson's Buddy bar soap $1.39
used $1/1 coupon

Also used a $5/25 CVS coupon and 10 ECBs
Total out of pocket was $3.99
Earned 6 ECBs

Monday, October 12, 2009

If you ain't got nothin nice to say...

You should probably shut the heck up, but I won't. Because isn't that what blogging is about?

I haven't blogged lately because I just can't think of anything nice to talk about.

I am tired and grouchy.

I am still not healthy, the stupid swine flu kicked my butt. My asthma, that had been dormant for the past three years, is raging.

I am depressed about the miscarriage(s).

And then this weekend, BOTH, yes I said BOTH, of our cars broke down. Luckily dh's car was a pretty easy fix. The van on the other hand is a mess. It started on Saturday morning, when my brake light was randomly flashing. Later that night the radio started rapidly flying through stations. And right as we got on the interstate the freaking thing overheated. Well I think it overheated, the gauges were going up and down. Anyway I think it's possessed.

It's sitting in the mechanic's shop as I type this. I have no idea how the hell we are going to PAY to get it fixed. AGAIN.

Sheesh I sound miserable.

Luckily through all this there are bright spots.
1. My husband (I know it's cheesy, but he is really awesome)
2.Noah is THRIVING in school. He is becoming more and more like a typical kid everyday. It gives me chills.
3.Jordan is doing great in school too. I think having a male teacher really lit a fire in him to learn and he is reading like a pro now.
4.Isaiah...well that kid is a freaking treasure all around. He is so smart is scares me.
5.My knee is working about 80% of the time now. Which is a huge improvement.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Thursday, October 1, 2009

And the Party Continues

I am now down with the swine flu too. Which comes at a great time, since I have a test in school today and there are no retakes and no make ups. I can't find contact info on my professor anywhere, so I am going to have to don a oh so sexy mask to go in to tell him I have the pig plague. Knowing what a douchenoozle this guy is, I will probably have to take it tonight. I also have an outline due for a speech (oddly enough on the swine flu) and a test on Monday. I can only laugh, because at this point? It is that or fall into a sobbing ball of goo.


Called the school. I am NOT to go in even with a mask. Left message for professor.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Nine: Not So Wordless Wednesday

Holy crap. I have a nine year old! Does this mean I am getting old?

Nine years ago today Noah made his way into the world at 7:43 am weighing a not-so-whooping 5lb 14oz. His size was a total shock since the doctors were thinking he was going to be 8+lbs.

Unlike a lot a babies who are later diagnosed with Autism, he was the sweetest, happiest, easiest baby. He rarely cried and was easy to take along with us everywhere.

Now, here we are nine years later, he went from being a tiny peanut to being damn near as tall as me! An the boy can pack away some food, like an ENTIRE pizza in a meal.

I am so very proud of how far he has come socially and academically this year! He speaks to strangers a little more readily, is starting to read sight words, and is eating lunch in the cafeteria with the other kids in his grade. These may seem like small goals to the average kid, but for a child with Autism and learning disabilities, they are HUGE.

Have I mentioned I am proud?

Happy Birthday Noah!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Ain't No Party Like a Swine Flu Party

Sometimes life just keeps on throwing curve balls at you and all you can do, is duck and laugh. Or you will go INSANE.

This morning Isaiah felt a little warm. I could not find the thermometer and he was playing just fine, so I figured he was fine. About 2 hours later he came and sat on my lap. The kid was on FIRE. I ran out to the store for a thermometer and fever meds (since our freaking Tylenol was recalled). I took and his temp and FREAKED the poor thing had a 104.6. I called the doctor, because my gut was screaming H1N1. The peds office was booked solid and couldn't get us in til 4:30. I let him take a nap, thinking the meds would kick in. UH NO. He woke up even hotter.

By the time we were seen by the doctor, at 5:15 (the place was MOBBED). He was hardly moving, was randomly twitching, and was in tachycardia. I was a freaking mess. They gave him a big dose of Motrin and tested for the flu and strep.

He tested positive for the Flu. Since the standard flu is not active in Florida this time of year and he has every symptom of H1N1, the doctor diagnosed him with it.

He started Tamiflu tonight. Jordan starts it tomorrow as a preventative, because of his asthma, he is high risk. Noah is not getting any, he is healthy and at an age that is not a high risk.

Say a prayer we caught this in time, it doesn't spread, and Isaiah gets better fast!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Rolling with the Punches

While chatting with my oldest friend, she told me that her sister (who I have known since I was 12) thought I was one of the strongest people she knew.


I am feeling really weak right about now. I am an emotional mess and my body is tired. I feel like I have whined about this miscarriage too much. Maybe wallowed in the sorrow too long.

So what makes a person strong? Is it the ability to move through obstacles without a scratch? Or is it the ability to get scratches (hell in some cases, be hit by semi) and keep going?

I have a tendency to complain. No really, I do. Ha ha. Despite this fact, I really try not to dwell on the negative. And my life has had more than its share of negative.

Messed up childhood. check
Poverty. check
Disable child. check (though this is a challenge, I don't actually see it as a negative, Noah brings more joy than any negative aspects could ever outweigh)
Losing baby. check
Way too many miscarriages. check

*see I like to whine*

Yet, I am for the most part happy. I have the best freaking husband ever. Seriously he is hot AND like to clean the kitchen. And oh yeah he is a great dad. I three amazing now-not-so-little-boys. I am blessed.

Sometimes I have to smack myself to remember these things. This has been a rough week, I won't lie. I've a pity party and cried over our misfortune. But last night as I crept into each boys room to kiss them in their sleep, I started to cry for a different reason. I have it better than so many people. No matter what life has thrown my way, someone else always has it worse.

Does that make me a strong person? Ha. I have no idea. I look at people like Heather Spohr and Loralee and think of strength.

I am just a mom.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I have been on a roller coaster that I cannot even find an adjective to describe.

Last week, to our complete shock, I found out I was expecting.

This is the first time I got pregnant without trying. At first I was scared and worried, but after a few days I got excited. Dh was thrilled and hopeful for a successful pregnancy.

On Monday I was more crampy than normal, so I called my doctor for a blood test. The results were not great, but they weren't bad news either. Because of my previous losses, I was more than worried about the numbers not doubling, I was taking home tests every day(okay I was obsessively testing several times a day). One night my test turned much lighter and I knew... The second blood test confirmed it my levels were falling.

Another miscarriage.

Then it was waiting game, for the bomb to drop, the actual miscarriage.

I was, and still am, numb.

I was not very far along and that helps a bit. I think the hardest part is to accept that this was loss number FIVE. Five babies that I was carrying and were never able to be born. With each loss it seems more and more likely that Isaiah will be our last. Being done with baby making is something I have been fighting hard to be okay with, and lets just say, I have not succeeded. I think because of Kai's loss, it feels like we have an empty place in our family, not that another baby will fill that space. But I just feel like our family is not complete.

Unlike my previous losses, I had the support of so many awesome online friends. The support has really helped. I am depressed and hurting, but I know I will survive this. Last night the miscarriage itself hit full force, today I am hurting and drained emotionally.

I have cried. I have yelled. I have been sad. I have screamed at God. Today it has been more of a whimper, I supposed. I just wish I knew why this keeps happening.

I honestly don't know where we will go from here. We have the option of seeking extensive testing (out of pocket) to try to figure out why I suddenly cannot carry a baby. We could also decide to be truly done having babies and for the first time in our marriage do something to prevent pregnancy. I have no idea what to do. I am too tired to think about it today.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Try, try, again

Isaiah doing his darnedest to do a headstand! Jordan joined in too. He eventually got it! ***ps dont mind my dirty rug!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: 100 years young.

My paternal grandpa partying it up on his 100th Birthday! The man can pack away the steak!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Kings of the Hill

The are standing on top of a rock wall.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Obama Drama

Tomorrow, every school child in America was supposed to sit down to hear President Obama speak to them about the importance of staying in school, working hard, and going to college. But unfortunately here in Florida, most of the schools have chosen not to show it. The conservative uproar over Pres. Obama speaking to the children has caused the school boards to decided not to show it.

When I saw this on the news on Friday I felt sick. This is what our country has come to?

It is no secret to those who know me, I am a Democrat, I have been since I registered to vote. I do not feel like in order to be Christian, one needs to be a Republican. I have issues with both parties, but continue to lean to the left. No politician is without fault. I voted for Obama and though there are things he has done since becoming president that make me nervous (the internet bill for one), but he is still our President and deserves respect.*

However, some of the accusations, about this speech in particular, are ludicrous. I have personally read/heard people stating that he is using this speech to BRAINWASH the children. UMM holy hell, if he had the power to brainwash anyone, we would have health care! Along the same lines, I have heard he is going to use it to spread socialist (or communist take your pick) propaganda to the youth. A playground conversation revealed that a friend actually thinks he is a terrorist! (my brain exploded on the play ground!)

People this is a speech about education that is ALL. The man is under INTENSE scrutiny, he is not going to do anything to further aggravate the nuts cases**...er I mean the opposition. Here is the link to the actual speech.

I will let my sons watch it on the internet when we get home from school, since that seems to be the only option. It's just sad to me.

*I will fully admit to talking a fair amount of smack about Bush. However I would have never had a fit or questioned his intent about speaking to school kids.

**and by nut cases I don't mean all conservatives just the ones who may or may not have tin foil on their roofs to stop the satellites from reading their thoughts and/or Obama from telepathically brainwashing the youngins.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Unsolicited Review: Bounce Dryer Bar

I was so freaking excited to try this and it was made even better when I had the coupons to get it free. The Bounce Dryer Bar smelled awesome from the package. The concept is simple enough, skip the hassle of dryer sheets and just stick the bar inside your dryer. It is supposed to last up to four months, I was hoping for it to last two months since we do a crap ton of laundry.

First load of towels came out awesome! Super soft and fluffy and smelled amazing. The second load had 10 pairs of brand new Old Navy boy's jeans. When they were done, I damn near burst into tears, the jeans were all covered in streaks of white goo. I had to scrub and rewash them all. I thought maybe it was only the jeans, because the next load of t-shirts came out OK, but the bar fell off the dryer wall during the cycle (it stuck back on). Flash forward after a week of laundry (no more jeans) the damn thing fell apart, in pieces, in my dryer and got all over clothes again. I would never recommend it!

***this review was in no way solicited by Bounce***

Thursday, September 3, 2009

When did family size become a public opinion poll?

I love pregnancy.

I love babies. I even love the kids that the babies turn into.

In a perfect world where I would be rich and far more fertile, I would have at least six kids. I would also not be high risk, on bed rest most of the pregnancy, and have had too many miscarriages.

We have three living sons. We really hope to have a forth sometime in the near future.

I have been asked on more than one occasion, "Are they ALL yours?" Umm there are only three of them? God forbid I decide to share that we want more. There are usually two responses; first there is the, "OMG WHYYY would you do that?", and the even better, "Ohhh, you want a girl huh*?".

Which leads me to the question, when the hell did it become socially acceptable to voice an opinion on the size of any family?

As you can guess this little tirade is care of the Duggars announcing number 19 is on the way. I personally am in awe she has been able to carry so many healthy babies. I am also not at all surprised she is pregnant again, but you know what? It's none of my damn business, how many kids they have. I am shocked at how strongly people are reacting to the news. I am sure the Duggars are secure in their choice of family size, but I can bet some of the barbs being thrown their way hurt. Now imagine a woman is NOT secure or sure about the size of her family,or doesn't have a huge support system, how does she react when people make rude comments?

I have seen a variety of sides of the family size spectrum. I have a friend who only had one child and for a variety of personal reasons was done with the baby making. For many years she really wanted more children, though she didn't readily talk about it. She had to endure constant questions about "when the next baby was coming?" or comments like "you should have more so your daughter isn't alone". All those comments were hurtful to her. I also have a friend who is pregnant with baby number five. The things people have said to her are equally hurtful and the actual disgust people express is mind-blowing, "you are pregnant AGAIN?" or "why on earth would you want so many kids?". Luckily this friend is in a good place and laughs at those people.

I just wish people would consider that when they make snide comments about family size, they realize that there are people with feelings attached to those comments. Am I saying that people don't have a right to an opinion? No. And of course families like the Duggars open themselves up to public opinion by having a TV show. I am not innocent of this either, I found myself caught up in the OMG AGAIN talk today, this post is just as much to remind me, as it is to rant.

*For the record we are NOT trying for a girl. I really don't care, I just want a healthy baby. That used to seem so cliche to me, but after losing four babies, it's the God's honest truth.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Swine Flu

It seems I cant log on to the computer, turn on the tv, or even open the kids back packs at the end of the day without seeing/hearing about the the Swine Flu. The media doesn't seem like they will be happy until we are all in a mass panic about H1N1. So how worried should we be? The CDC is warning with start of the school year, parents can expect Swine Flu to spread like wildfire.

We are to remind children to cover coughs and sneezes, wash hands frequently, and stay home if you are sick. The schools in our county are requesting that any child with flu symptoms stay home from school for at least seven days. I am thinking the kids will miss a great deal of school this year...

We also go to Disney nearly every weekend. I am a little nervous about coming into contact with H1N1 there. We wash our hands a lot and avoid closed buildings (shows) and because of Noah's autism we avoid long lines and crowds (we go in alternate entrances). If it gets worse we could always wear masks.

I am normally chicken little about such things, like "WE ARE ALL GONNA DIEEEE" panic, but I am trying to remain calm.

I am also up in the air concerning the vaccine that will be coming out soon.

So, how are you handling this "pandemic" as a mom?

No Deals This Week

I did pretty poorly on grocery shopping and skipped CVS. Momma needed a break! See you next week with tons of great deals!

***Dont forget to check out KMart for super doubles this week, I am hearing this is the last week!***

Friday, August 28, 2009

Am I in the Right class??

As nervous as I was for the kids first day of school, I didn't give mine much thought. This is my 3rd year at community college (part-time), my biggest concern was parking. Which turned out to be awful. After parking in other zip code, I hobbled (my walk is getting less pathetic, but is still SLOW) to class.

On the first day of class there is always a LONG 10 minutes of awkward silence as everyone sizes each other up and waits for the professor to show, all you hear is the crinkling of paper and squeaking of chairs, fun stuff I assure you. I want to talk to everyone, since you know I like to over share, but they will find out I am a nerd soon enough.

Then suddenly the silence is broken, as what I thought was another older adult student burst in. I thought there he is, the "that guy" for this term. I am convinced every college class has to have at least one douchnozzle in it, you know the person who has a question, comment, or argument for everything. But then annoying guy walked to the front of the class, OH GOD NO, annoying guy is actually annoying PROFESSOR.

He begins by telling us he has only one pet peeve, tardiness. Okay no problem, I am always on time. Calls roll, like a normal professor, and then...the psycho hits the fan.

Things I learned in GEOGRAPHY class:

1. College texts books are an f-ing (he dropped the f bomb) scam, we were to return our books to get a refund. (sweeet)

2. His ex wife is a she bitch.

3. America is dying and he is sad.

4. Obama is a communist.

5. All presidents in the past 20 years were terrible and immoral.

6. His new wife has his balls in a jar on top of the tv that she make him watch Bridzillas on.

7. He grew up poor and never missed a day of school.

8. Instead of writing a paper, we get to do research for his thesis.

9. Micheal Vick should rot in hell. (he went into detail about how Vick killed dogs)

10. He is a weather psychic.

11. Brett Farve is a prick, he knows him personally. Some story about peeing in the middle of a bar...

12. We wont have to stay til 9:30. WHOOT

13. America is dying. AGAIN

14. He makes it easy to get an A.

15. He teaches middle school during the day.

16. The American family is dead.

And then we were dismissed. We all stumbled out of the room look at each other like, you were there right? RIGHT?? WTH just happened in there?

I spent the entire hour biting the inside of my cheek and picking at nail polish. This is going to be one interesting semester.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

This post should have been up a few days ago..

Wow. I realized that its been a year since I created this blog. When it first started I planned on using it just to post grocery deals, but quickly decided to include parenting stories and pictures of the boys. As the year has progressed I have become a little more comfortable sharing deeper parts of my life, the pain of losing our little boy, the joy of pregnancy and subsequent heartbreak from miscarriage, the trials of raising a child with Autism, and my thoughts on parenting in general. I am a long way from letting it all hang out, but I am working on it. I find it hard to find a balance in telling what I want to share and not offending my very conservative friends and family members. How do you do it? Aside from hiding your blog, how do you find balance? I hope I am growing as a writer, as a mother, and as a blogger. I am proud of myself for keeping it up this long! Here is to another year!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Wordless Wednesday:Boom Boom Pow

These were from Disney on Saturday night.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The Back to School Edition

Today was the first day of school round these parts. Noah woke up in a nervous tizzy, sobbing that he didn't want to go to school today. Jordan was all, "MOOOOMM I am not a baby, you CAN'T walk me to class." He informed me if I had to walk in at all I was only to walk him to the front door. I hid my sobs and let him walk in alone. Dude he is only in the 1st grade.

Now back to Noah, he was a tip toe walking/ hand flapping/ pterodactyl shrieking mess. He has been such a cool little man all summer, I am really praying the stress of school doesn't steal that part of him again.

Both boys ended up making it into school, with little fuss in the end. Next Monday brings another first day of school, this time for Isaiah. I am hoping and praying for an excellent year with very little stress for all of the boys.