Sunday, October 18, 2009

Being Truthful

With Twitter and the blogoshere all aflutter with TSAgate09. The topic of being truthful is all over. *For the record, I have chatted with the person involved a few times in the past and really like her. I have no idea what really happened that day. It's not my story. Granted, my busybody nature wants to know, but I will have to get over it.*

Anyhoo back to what I was saying... Being truthful.

Ugh this is hard for me, I have never lied on twitter or my blog. But I tend to gloss over. I have a horrible time letting it all out. Even in my "venting" posts, it isn't all there. I also have a lot to tell about things that have happened to me, but I can't.

I have these numbing fears; of hurting people, of letting people down, of coming across whiny, or people judging me.

I try to come across as a happy person, who has it all together (ha ha), who is strong, and who can take the knocks life seems to constantly hurl my way.

But the truth is, I am angry, I am sad, I am lost... so freaking lost.

Even as I type these words, I feel like a weak loser.

I don't feel like there is a single person on earth I can tell all the crap that is in my head too.

I admire all the ladies that can lay it all out. Just pour their hearts into post after post. After blogging for more than a year, I feel like my blog is still superficial (with the exception of a few posts). I have no idea how to convince myself it's ok to be truthful about how I feel.

6 comments:

Miss Grace said...

I think you can let it out too. You'd be surprised at how supportive we all are.

CheekySweetie said...

You may never be totally comfortable pouring your heart out-and that's okay. That doesn't mean that you can't use blogging as a launching pad for working through your emotions. You have friends who care for you through blogging, and you can come to us any time..it doesn't have to be public. I've come to really adore you, and I am stumbling right now, too. Life is tough, and when things are stressful, they get tougher. We, as women, as mothers, as bloggers, and just as people who respect one another's struggle, need to support each other when it gets hard to carry on. that's what community is all about. <3

Mommy Melee said...

Having a blog does NOT mean you have to pour every thought and experience you have onto it.

*HUG*

jadedperspective said...

I agree with Maria and Miss Grace, you would be surprised at the support. However, you do't have to rip your sould out to blog. We will take you either way.

Sarah R said...

It's true, Jenni. You don't owe any of us anything. Use the blog as you need it, not the other way around.
That being said, with the year that you've had, I think we can all understand while you're feeling overwhelmed these days. And you have nothing to apologize for, love. *hug*

Sheena @ Mommy Daddy Blog said...

It may help if you start writing private posts and start by letting a few people that you trust have access to them. That may help you get your feeling out and maybe some day you'll make them public.

Your boys are precious.