Saturday, September 26, 2009

Rolling with the Punches

While chatting with my oldest friend, she told me that her sister (who I have known since I was 12) thought I was one of the strongest people she knew.


I am feeling really weak right about now. I am an emotional mess and my body is tired. I feel like I have whined about this miscarriage too much. Maybe wallowed in the sorrow too long.

So what makes a person strong? Is it the ability to move through obstacles without a scratch? Or is it the ability to get scratches (hell in some cases, be hit by semi) and keep going?

I have a tendency to complain. No really, I do. Ha ha. Despite this fact, I really try not to dwell on the negative. And my life has had more than its share of negative.

Messed up childhood. check
Poverty. check
Disable child. check (though this is a challenge, I don't actually see it as a negative, Noah brings more joy than any negative aspects could ever outweigh)
Losing baby. check
Way too many miscarriages. check

*see I like to whine*

Yet, I am for the most part happy. I have the best freaking husband ever. Seriously he is hot AND like to clean the kitchen. And oh yeah he is a great dad. I three amazing now-not-so-little-boys. I am blessed.

Sometimes I have to smack myself to remember these things. This has been a rough week, I won't lie. I've a pity party and cried over our misfortune. But last night as I crept into each boys room to kiss them in their sleep, I started to cry for a different reason. I have it better than so many people. No matter what life has thrown my way, someone else always has it worse.

Does that make me a strong person? Ha. I have no idea. I look at people like Heather Spohr and Loralee and think of strength.

I am just a mom.


CheekySweetie said...

Like I told another friend struggling with some poopy life circumstances, strength isn't staying on the horse. Strength is falling off, and getting back on. Courage isn't not being afraid. Courage is being afraid, and doing what scares you anyway.

I'm glad you have wonderful blessings in your life to help you cope with the trials. :)

Anonymous said...

I agree strength is getting back up, dusting yourself off and owning yourself. not letting the grief own you.
You are not whining at all! You have every right to mourn and be emotional this week. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are strong and a wonderful mom AND so much more. When I feel like I am having a pity party I do remember to feel grateful for hubs and son, but I still have to feel sad sometimes for what I have been through and that's ok.
Hang in there and just hold on to your family tight and they will help pull you through, but YES you are strong.

SageMom said...

From what I've gathered from your posts that I've read since I discovered your blolg, you are a very strong person and you will get through this...

It's normal to complain.

We're entitled to it =).

But you'll get through it...

I'm one of those that truly believes that everything happens for a reason.

Take care...