Friday, June 19, 2009

Well, I Never Syndrome

I hear comments all the time about how laid back I am as a parent (see lazy). I am still uptight about somethings, like trying to keep the house habitable, but for the most part I am laid back. However, I wasn't always.

When dh and I were trying to conceive our first, we had list 90 miles long of things we would NEVER do as parents. We would never: spank, curse in front of the kids, put them in front of the tv, have them out past bedtime, let them leave the house looking messy, or allow those evil toy guns in my house. You know all those awesome judgmental things most "perfect" parents or even worse the non-parent types are thinking. What I call "Well, I never syndrome".

Guess what happened?

I have done all of them.


It started when I finally got that beautiful positive pregnancy test (it took a long time). I planned a natural birth, in a birthing center and I ended up with a very drugged up planned csection, due to a stuck frank breech position.
I planned to breastfeed, but quickly gave up. I also planned on continuing to work, there was no way I would be a house wife! Ha, I lasted back at work a few months, I wanted to be with my son! I am still home, but I am not saying I will never go back to work. There is a reason for the saying, "You plan, God laughs".

Week-by-week, day-by-day, hell even hour-by-hour, all my "well I never" ideas got shot to shit. Nine years into this parenting gig, I am no closer to being an expert or all that much wiser.

However, I am a whole lot less judgmental. I do still have a list of nevers, but it is pretty short. So far, I am nothing like the parent I thought I would be. In many ways having a special needs child has taught me to take things as they come and to accept them however they turn out. My only goal as a mother is to raise healthy, happy children, who find something in life that makes them happy.

The moral to the story is, you don't know what kind of parent you will be until you are smack dab in the middle of it. Even then you are subject to change at a moments notice.


Cjengo said...

Girl I sooooooo agree, you just never know. You never know how hard it will be, what life has in store for you, and how you will handle it. I remember patting Em's butt for banging on the glass doors to the enterainment center (I was afraid for her hands), and I was so upset. My friend, and well versed mom said "oh girl you will get over that feeling real quick" ha ha

fidget said...

when I was a nanny, my I would never list was 2 miles long. It's considerably shorter these days

Bonnie said...

You are so dang right it's scary.

I love listening to those parents who hold their first newborn and man they have no idea!!!

BUT, I very much disliked when people told me I had no idea so I smile, listen to the new parents but no longer offer my advice...they can find out like i did...the hard way so it stuck with me.

CheekySweetie said...

I had my first so young that I didn't have long to create a mental "never" list. But I still laugh at friends with their first child all dressed in gorgeous new outfits every time we see them-which always end up stained by the end of the first wear, and the hypervigilante way they sometimes approach parenting. I look at it like that Luvs commercial: You live, you learn, you get Luvs. We have four, and while one I didn't start raising until he was about 5yo, if I had another baby, I'd be so damn relaxed about parenting that one you'd have to stick your foot up my butt to get me off the couch. Heh.

RaisingOlives said...

Children have a way of changing us in amazing ways.

I also had a list of "nevers". The one that makes me laugh the most now is that when i was visiting a friend of mine who had 4 small children (and I was pregnant with our first) I noticed that they had crayon/pen on the wall where a child had created a masterpiece. I thought, "I will never, ever allow my children to write on the walls, that is so tacky!" Yes, I still laugh about that one and thank the Lord for my huge stash of Magic Erasures.