Let's Talk About ...

SEX

Disclaimer: Remember when my blog was conservative and about coupons? Yeah...not so much anymore. If you are skittish about sex talk or are a family member, close this post now.

Ok.

This post has been rumbling around in my head for a few weeks, but I didn't get the balls to write it out until I read my girl Fidget's post yesterday. If you haven't read hers and are married, you need to. She is just about the only person who cares more about married sex than I do. She is issuing a two week challenge to amp up your relationship over at Finding Yourself, Despite Yourself. I am not going to be nearly as eloquent as she is, but this is topic I feel strongly about as well. I think every relationship can benefit from taking this challenge.

Earlier this month, one of my friends hosted an adult toy party. It was a bunch of moms from Isaiah's christian preschool. I am pretty sure the conversations on the playground leading up to the party and even more so following it, would make a hooker blush.

Through those conversations I was surprised to learn what many couples think is a normal amount of sex in their marriages. Believe me, we have had dry spells. We have had lonnnggg bed rests during my pregnancies, where sex was a huge no no. BUT we have always tried to maintain intimacy, we snuggle, kiss, feel each other up, and do other things wink,wink.

I am not saying you need to turn into sex fiends or anything, but sex is IMPORTANT. The more sex you have, the more you want it. The more sex you have, the happier you both are. When you are both happy, your family is happy.

After settling into parenthood, it is easy to settle into to sexless land. You stop wanting or even thinking about it. For the first few days of this challenge you will have to make and EFFORT to move into this frame of mind, but once you do? You will catch yourself grabbing for his hand when watching tv or smacking him on the butt as you walk by. The sex isn't all about SEX, it's about building a strong connection between the two of you. Think of it this way, every time you touch, snuggle, or have sex, you are adding threads to the rope that connects you. When life wears down that rope, it will not break because you are continually building it. Without those threads/connections it will fall apart.

Sex is not going to stop all divorces or make a troubled relationship perfect, but it sure helps smooth out the bumps in the road.

Out of Ideas

My parental well of ideas has been tapped dry. I have tried tough love, I have tried paying him special attention, I have tried a mix of the two, all to no avail.

If you would have told me two years ago, that the child stressing me out would be Jordan and not Noah, I would have laughed like a loon.

Jordan is perfectly behaved at school and 99% of the time, he is perfect out in public. At home? Is another story completely. He is a bully to his little brother, has temper tantrums, and cries at the drop of a hat. None of these behaviors is acceptable for an almost seven year old.

My first instinct is to break bad, and no I don't mean spankings (though we have on rare occasions spanked). By break bad, I mean zero tolerance, privileges and possessions taken away for breaking rules. This plan seemed to back fire, it caused him to cry more and not just about the thing taken away, but for hours, about everything.

I ranted on twitter the other day about whimpy parents, afraid to discipline for fear it hurts their kids feelings. This is different. Because Noah needs more attention with his special needs and people naturally pay more attention to Isaiah, because he is the baby, I worry Jordan genuinely feels unloved.

I have tried talking to him, paying special attention to him, even coddling him. Thinking he just needs to know he IS loved. And while he does suck it up, there is no change in the other behaviors.

Right now, we are working on a combo of the two, but he still cries and has tantrums. When I say we have tried something, I am talking about months at time, not switching up on him on a daily basis. I know how important consistency is.

Is this normal for his age? Even though I have a nine year old, he hasn't gone through the usual milestones.

In his defense, there are a few reasons for him to be more emotional than the average seven year old boy. #1 He has been on an almost continuous flow of steroids since he was eight months old, because of his asthma. I was on steroids for a week, when I had the swine flu, and thought I was going to go bat shit crazy. #2 There is an weird dynamic in our house, Jordan is the middle child in age, but the oldest in maturity because of Noah's Autism. He has more responsibility than all of his friends(like keeping an eye on Noah in the lunch room, helping him wait in car line, talking for Noah in situations where he freezes, ect). These are all things no one asked him to do, he does them on his own, but feels like he has too. While I understand this struggle for him, it's the lot our family was given and in the long run? I think it will make him a better person.

So that leads us to now. Me banging my head in frustration, him crying. AGAIN.

Has anyone else dealt with an extremely emotional, higher tempered child?

Is this a phase? Please God, tell me it will end.

Progress

In his birthday post, I wrote about how much progress Noah has made in the last year, I continue to be amazed about the little man he is becoming.

It's the silly little things that the average parent takes for granted. Like spontaneously telling me he loves me, I waited nine years for that! And telling jokes, making friends, talking to people in public. These were all things, I was not sure I would ever see. Autism is a crazy puzzle. We have been working so hard to find the right pieces. While we are no where near complete, we are finding those pieces.

On Sunday we were visiting Animal Kingdom and the boys were chosen to be part of the Festival of the Lion King show. This was not the first time, it has actually happened a few times, but in the past (with the exception of once) Noah has refused to take part. This time he jumped up and happily danced and sang. Giving high fives to performers and all!

Right now we are in the process of retesting him through the local school board, when he was first tested he scored in the 1-3 yo mental range and with an iq below 60. He was almost 6. There have been the lingering questions, will his iq be that lower forever? Will he be stunted at 1-3 yo forever? These new tests will give us a better idea. I can say that in the test for mental age, I could tell by the questions, he is closer to the 4-6 yo range now. Which, if correct means, he is maturing! Albeit at a slower rate, but by the time he is an adult, could be less important.

This gives me a whole new hope for his future.

Well, I Never Syndrome

I hear comments all the time about how laid back I am as a parent (see lazy). I am still uptight about somethings, like trying to keep the house habitable, but for the most part I am laid back. However, I wasn't always.

When dh and I were trying to conceive our first, we had list 90 miles long of things we would NEVER do as parents. We would never: spank, curse in front of the kids, put them in front of the tv, have them out past bedtime, let them leave the house looking messy, or allow those evil toy guns in my house. You know all those awesome judgmental things most "perfect" parents or even worse the non-parent types are thinking. What I call "Well, I never syndrome".

Guess what happened?

I have done all of them.

Every.
Last.
One.

It started when I finally got that beautiful positive pregnancy test (it took a long time). I planned a natural birth, in a birthing center and I ended up with a very drugged up planned csection, due to a stuck frank breech position.
I planned to breastfeed, but quickly gave up. I also planned on continuing to work, there was no way I would be a house wife! Ha, I lasted back at work a few months, I wanted to be with my son! I am still home, but I am not saying I will never go back to work. There is a reason for the saying, "You plan, God laughs".

Week-by-week, day-by-day, hell even hour-by-hour, all my "well I never" ideas got shot to shit. Nine years into this parenting gig, I am no closer to being an expert or all that much wiser.

However, I am a whole lot less judgmental. I do still have a list of nevers, but it is pretty short. So far, I am nothing like the parent I thought I would be. In many ways having a special needs child has taught me to take things as they come and to accept them however they turn out. My only goal as a mother is to raise healthy, happy children, who find something in life that makes them happy.

The moral to the story is, you don't know what kind of parent you will be until you are smack dab in the middle of it. Even then you are subject to change at a moments notice.

Parenting 911

Do you have one child that extended family members tend to spoil? My youngest is adorable, smart, and charming as hell. He has the world by the balls at the ripe ol age of 4. My issue is what to do when people NOTICABLE favor one child over others?
Whether its praise or gifts, how do you create a balance?

In a Weird Place...

We are TTC our 4Th, or is it our 5Th? Its always confusing, should I count Kai or not? I will just say we are TTC our 4Th LIVING child. After 4 losses this is a daunting task. I am working on my health and hoping it helps us have another baby.
In the meantime I have three big boys!
I signed Isaiah up for VPK (in Florida we have 4 yo preschool the is paid by the state). This means in the fall, for 4 hours a day, I will be alone! I will miss the little monkey terribly, he is really awesome company (as are all they boys...for the most part lol).
Its been a longtime since I have washed a bottle, changed a diaper, used a stroller, or snuggled a tiny baby.
I miss all those things something fierce.
I wont say its all bad though, we are enjoying where we are for the time being. There is no prep time to leave the house, we just up and leave. We can go to the movies or out to eat (well depending on Noah's mood). We go to the beach with a bottle of sun screen and a towel!
They are all hilarious little men and actually FUN to hang out with.
Yet, we still feel like we are in limbo, like someone is missing from our crew.

Home-made Bread and a Super Soft Slide

exploding dough

finished


I have been in major nesting mode lately (no, not pregnant) and have had the urge to make home-made bread. Never having been the baking type I was leery, but I decided what the heck, give it a try. It helped helped that Albertsons had flour on sale for $1.38 a 5lb bag.
I was all excited to go home and make it, when I got home I realized I didn't have loaf pans!! What kind of mom doesn't even have loaf pans? I was really bummed...until I came across a bread machine at a yard sale for $2 this am SCORE!
After hunting around the web for a bit I discovered Hilly billy Housewife had a great generic bread machine manual. The recipe I use was super easy, basically dump the ingredients in and turn it on.
Two hours into the rising I was a little worried, it was pressing on the glass! Visions of bread making ala I Love Lucy popped into my head, but thank goodness it stayed contained.
It was stuck to the lid a bit and looked a little like a mushroom, but yummy just the same. The entire loaf was devoured in under 10 minutes, a huge hit with the kids!
So I bet you are wondering where the super soft slide comes into this, huh??
Well while I was cleaning the egg bombs of the porch (another story all together), my dear sweet (cough) Noah got the almost empty (thank God) bottle of fabric softener from the garage and gleefully poured it down the slide. Being pooped from scraping raw eggs off the porch I was in no mood to clean the slide... So I let them slide down it in their jeans and put then the jeans in the washer. Hey, I killed 2 birds with one stone; slide clean and clothes smell good. Kids also needed a bath but that's kinda a daily thing.

ETA:Second loaf turned our much better looking!