Monday, May 3, 2010

Limbo

If you follow me on twitter you saw me rant about my doctor drama as it unfolded. Long story short, new doc won't take me on in the middle of a miscarriage and old doc berated me for getting pregnant again and refused to do my follow up care.

It seems unreal right?

Eventually I got the asshole (old doc) to refer me to a high risk doctor. I have to wait for them to fax my records, which are thicker than the phone book, to the high risk and then they will call me for an appointment.

So, right now? I am still technically pregnant. There is no baby, just chemicals, but I FEEL pregnant still. I am tired. Have I mentioned that? So freaking tired.

My hope is that the new doctor will FINALLY do the tests I need to find out what is wrong with me.

Right now, I can't fathom going through this ever again. We desperately want another baby. I think, because of Kai's loss, it will always feel like someone is missing from our family. It's hard to look at my five year old and think that he is our last. None of what is going on right now is happy.

But I will be okay, I really will. I have three incredible little boys and the best husband I could dream of. What more can I ask for, than a man waiting at the door, arms open, saying "we can try again, I love you" and knowing it's OK with him even if we don't.

The next few weeks will be bumpy, as I wait for a physical resolution to this loss.
I was BLOWN away by the support I received on my last post, on twitter and on facebook, you people are all amazing. Thank you again.

10 comments:

Sarah R said...

I would file a complaint with the state board about the jerk who wouldn't treat you. Seriously.

Tatiana said...

We love you, Jenni. Always. I can't fathom what you're going through, but I want to take all of the pain away. I'm so happy your husband is being strong for you.

mom2nji said...

Sarah,
It's worse than I would even share on here. But I have a feeling he has a law suit or 20 headed his way.

Tatiana,
Thank you. Hugs.

Lu said...

Jenni I wish I could do more for you. I want to drive up there and smack both of those doctors with my cane. What a disgrace!
I am so so sorry you have to deal with any BS on top of the physical and emotional pain you are going through.
You are a tough cookie and will figure this out. Hang in there mama. I am here whenever you need me. xo

Issas Crazy World said...

Hey darling, I hate to say this in comments on this post..but I think your FB page was hacked. It's sending out some "real hot" video message to everyone.

PrincessJenn said...

Still sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way. I hope you do finally get a doctor who is willing to listen and help you. And one who understands the meaning of the word compassion.

Heather said...

You are surrounded by love and support. Some of us have been where you are. Just keep fighting (and I KNOW you're tired of that, but eventually you will win---after all, these physicians are working for you, not the other way around)

Woo222 said...

That dr's behavior is unconscionable. I can't get over it. I'm just stunned. My mom had a d and C a while back, and she had no pain or anything at all during and after. Maybe even if you do have to have one again, it will be like that. I hope so. Though I'd rather you didn't have to have one at all. I hope the new dr. is awesome. If not, find another. You deserve the highest quality of care. I'm sending you all my love. ~Susan

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

I'm so so sorry. I hope you get answers soon.

Aunt Becky said...

I hate asshole doctors, Jenni, and I'm so sorry. Just so sorry.