Limbo

If you follow me on twitter you saw me rant about my doctor drama as it unfolded. Long story short, new doc won't take me on in the middle of a miscarriage and old doc berated me for getting pregnant again and refused to do my follow up care.

It seems unreal right?

Eventually I got the asshole (old doc) to refer me to a high risk doctor. I have to wait for them to fax my records, which are thicker than the phone book, to the high risk and then they will call me for an appointment.

So, right now? I am still technically pregnant. There is no baby, just chemicals, but I FEEL pregnant still. I am tired. Have I mentioned that? So freaking tired.

My hope is that the new doctor will FINALLY do the tests I need to find out what is wrong with me.

Right now, I can't fathom going through this ever again. We desperately want another baby. I think, because of Kai's loss, it will always feel like someone is missing from our family. It's hard to look at my five year old and think that he is our last. None of what is going on right now is happy.

But I will be okay, I really will. I have three incredible little boys and the best husband I could dream of. What more can I ask for, than a man waiting at the door, arms open, saying "we can try again, I love you" and knowing it's OK with him even if we don't.

The next few weeks will be bumpy, as I wait for a physical resolution to this loss.
I was BLOWN away by the support I received on my last post, on twitter and on facebook, you people are all amazing. Thank you again.