Though I just don't think that word is even enough. I have spent most of today crying, but not for the reason I had braced myself for...
I was a wreck this morning. I couldn't eat, I was shaking. When the ultrasound tech called me back, I was oddly calm, ready to hear the worst. I went over my history with the tech and she looked a little grim. Then she frozen and said, "I see a flicker!!! Don't breathe for a second I am going to magnify." And sure enough there it was a heartbeat. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
It turned out I am about a week less then I thought, it doesn't surprise me because I have long cycles. Also the next ultrasound may adjust that date, because I was so early, it was hard to get a good view. For right now, the baby's size and heart rate matched up pretty well. She said s/he is implanted in a great spot and looks like a healthy early pregnancy.
I may have cried on the table, which is a little awkward with that whole ultrasound probe thingy inserted. The tech got choked up too. She said she really didn't want to start off her day with bad news and was relieved. Me too lady, me too. Then I broke down in an almost full ugly cry when I went to check out. The appointment secretary at this office is so sweet. When I showed her the pic and she squealed with me and got teary eyed. I made my first full ob appointment in 4 years and pretty much fell apart. In the happiest way possible.
Meet our little pumpkin!