Saturday, August 28, 2010

What Matters

In the last two weeks our lives have changed.

We lived in chaos for most of the last 3 months; the miscarriage, the breast cancer scare, and the move. We are now settled in our new house. We have new routines, are more organized, and loving more space and less stuff. 12 days out of the last 2 weeks we have managed to sit down and have a real family dinner every night. Something we rarely did before.

It is awesome.

I realized they are really growing up. We have actual conversations. Today we went to the dog park with Milo, to Ikea, and had McDonalds for lunch*. I asked them over dinner what was their favorite thing about today, expecting to hear the playground at Ikea. But all three of them answered, playing in the back yard with us and the puppy before dinner. We make a huge effort to do lots of fun things with the boys, Disney, playgrounds, movies, chuck e cheese, all that fun stuff, but that's not what mattered to them. I SHOULD know that, right? This is basic after school special shit.

I forget.

I worry about our lack of money right now hurting them. The truth is as long as they have clothes, food, roof over their heads, and us, it's okay.

I worry about making the wrong choices when it comes to Noah. About hurting my uber sensitive Jordan. About Isaiah, well not really, seriously he is the most confident person I have ever met. So I actually worry about NOT worrying about him.

I have issues.

We are surviving on an income that has been on steady decline for a little while now and has suddenly plunged us below the poverty line. No, I am not exaggerating. I wish I was. Before the cancer scare and a major reality check this would have sent me into constant panic attacks, now I know it's not what matters. We will find a way and will do what we have to do to get by. Thank God, I am frugal and plan ahead. I had the kids school clothes and shoes purchased months ago. I used coupons for food and all other household items. The kids want for nothing. We will do our freaking best to make sure they never do.

We all worry as parents, we doubt, we fret, we all out freak out, but we do the best we can. Over and over.

*I should mention that the Ikea trip and the McDonalds were all care of my awesome sister.


Another Hot Mess said...

In the end, it is not necessarily what you go through as a family, but how you get through it. It sounds like you have been through a lot these past few months, some good things (new, bigger place), some not so good things. But as a family, you got closer and stronger, which is remarkable. Here's to hoping for some easier days ahead. Hugs.

Sarah R said...

Awesome about the family dinners. They are so important.

Hope Scout said...

I love this post. :) I've missed knowing what's going on with you..I've been offline more than on with job hunting and crap lately. Don't worry too much, your boys are growing up with two parents who are very much invested in their well-being. They are lucky, lucky boys and they know they are loved and supported. Hugs, woo222

Anonymous said...

that was a great post and you're right-family is what matters. what about your own schooling? didn't you tweet abt getting school checks or something? are you not doing that any more? (thinking of the stresses you mentioned lol) if not, GOOD--you don't need another thing on your plate.

mom2nji said...

Yes I am still in school. I go one night a week. Yes, I do still get financial aid, which when it comes will keep a roof over our heads for a while. That other thing on my plate will eventually put me in a position to get a good job.
I love when people post backhanded stuff as anon and then come back several times to check my response.