Friday, July 30, 2010

Good Calming Vibes Please

I went to the mental health clinic today.

I dug in deep all week, telling myself I just had to get through today.

I was wrong. I only saw a counselor to discuss my anxiety, who, once again, determined I have anxiety problems. No shit, REALLY?

So I get to see an actual doctor on September 2nd.

That is a really long time for someone who has been in a constant state of panic for more than a month.

I have no choice, I have to keep battling through.

Monday morning is my appointment with the surgeon. I don't really know what to expect. He may look at my scans and say no further action is needed (please let him say this), he may want to aspirate a small cyst I have, or he could decide to surgically remove my ducts and send them for pathology.

Like I said before my scans were both good. No signs of cancer. But the panic attack disorder won't let me stop fearing and obsessing over the worst.

I obsessively, keep reading message boards with people with who have had the same symptoms I have and later found out it was cancer. I KNOW those are the rare cases, and DUH when you read CANCER message boards, you will find the people who have CANCER.

I am trying to remain calm and think of the best. Something panic attack disorders make very very difficult.

Since I can't get any meds,can you please send me calming vibes and prayers, that I make it through this weekend panic attack free and that the doctor says there is no cancer. Thank you all for the support and love over the past few months.

1 comment:

Hope Scout said...

Sending you lots of good, calming vibes and love. Am not happy the clinic put you off for another month. Is there a public health clinic there? There's one here that does everything on a sliding fee scale and they have the ability to give people access to a well-kept secret: a community pharmacy where medication is extremely cheap (even for people like me without insurance) so long as it is not brand new on the market. There's GOT to be something like that there..maybe they could at least get you started on something sooner if you'd fancy, because waiting sounds like hell and it is truly unfair and NOT compassionate for the place you went to ask ANYONE to take on an additional month of anxiety. We have a low cost health clinic AND a low cost/free mental health clinic where people can get therapy, etc if they need it. And this is the middle of nowhere. What about the umm..Family Service League, they do free therapy in many cities there one there?

Also, the county I used to live in (but alas, no longer do) had some service where you could apply for free therapy and meds, but you could go to which ever therapist/p*doc/pharmacist you wanted, the county just paid the bill for you. The ex utilized it and it was awesome. I'd give an arm to have the same thing where I live now, cuz god knows I'm so poor.

Social workers often know about lots of resources no one else seems to know about. My therapist has her MSW and she knows about all sorts of stuff NO ONE has ever mentioned to me before. There's GOT to be someone/thing out there that can advocate for you or speed the process up to something other than a snail's pace. Sending you all my love, woo222