Thursday, March 4, 2010

Things NOT to Say to Someone Dealing with Secondary (or Any) Infertility

1. It's all God's plan.
Yeah, yeah I know
2. You already have x amount of kids.
3. Why on earth do you want more any way?
no comment
4. But you already had x kids, shouldn't it be easy?
actually it IS easy, we are just making it hard for the fun of it
5. You should just be happy with how many you have.
I AM happy with how many I have, but still feel as though someone is missing from our family
6. Some people never get to have kids at all.
I know, and my heart breaks for those people. But that fact doesn't negate my pain.

And for the bonus round...
What not to say to someone who has had multiple miscarriages:

1. Miscarriages are God's way getting rid of a less than perfect baby.
While I know scientifically this is sometimes true, it's insensitive to point out
2. You keep losing babies, because God thinks you should stop having them.
So you talked to God? And THIS was the information he told you? I feel special.
2. Maybe you just aren't meant to have more kids.
Gee thanks.

These are things said to me, mostly by semi-well intentioned family and friends. I understand that it's not possible to understand how difficult dealing with this is, unless you have been there, but please THINK. Sometimes the only thing you should say is, "I understand".

I am feeling bitter and sad today. Can you tell?


Woo222 said...

Oh love, I'm so sorry. People really suck sometimes. Those responses make my heart ache for you and they also make me angry. How can people be so insensitive. I love you so much. I'm always here if you wanna talk. Did I give you my phone number? I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Thinking of you, S

Sarah R said...

"I understand."
And you know I really do.

mom2nji said...

thanks ya'll!