So much...

has happened in the last few weeks I haven't had a moment to formulate a blog post.

When Arabella was 5 weeks old, right before Halloween she spent an entire day screaming, SO unlike her. That night on a hunch I took her temp, she didn't feel that warm, but low and behold she was 100.8. Ped told us to go to the Children's hospital. It didn't even occur to me we would be admitted. The boys never had a fever that young. It was not fun, she had an iv, blood tests, and a spinal tap. All together we were there 2 1/2 days. She was perfectly fine and only had a small virus. The hospital we stayed in was awesome. They allowed her to cosleep with me and nurse the whole time without interruption. I was so scared, but so thankful that she got great care and is healthy now.

Sweet Bella is now 7 weeks and weighs 10lbs 4oz as of last week and 21in. She is a happy little chunky monkey and we are all even more smitten everyday.

Now for our other drama...

About a three weeks ago I had 2 molars pulled. Afterwards I started feeling like I had something stuck in my throat, I thought it was just trauma from the dental surgery, but it kept going. I didn't think about it while Bella was sick, but when she got home I noticed it was still there. I was worried it was strep so I had it checked. The doc I saw thought it might be anxiety related and seeing how I had been through so much stress and have an anxiety disorder, I thought it was possible. But the same anxiety had me worried it was something more. I went to an urgent care center that is set up like an ER. They did an xray to rule out foreign bodies, it was clear. So they ordered a CT scan, which showed a goiter and diffuse shotty cervical adenopathy (the node issue they reason was from the dental issues). So they ordered a thyroid ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a multinodular goiter, with 2 nodules smaller than 1cm, one of them is on the anterior which is why I can feel it. All of my labs are normal, thyroid levels, cbc, liver, kidney, everything clear. Hell they even tested me for stds. So now I am faced with trying to find someone to examine the nodules with my insurance running out in 2 weeks. In that time frame.

I am hoping to see a surgeon this week. Not sure if I need a biopsy, surgery, hormones, or what.

I am scared. One of my big anxiety triggers is a cancer fear. The odds of it being thyroid cancer are low, but I am struggling with anxiety all the same. The doctor gave me Ativan and said it was safe with nursing, but I feel guilty even thinking about taking it.

Nursing is another issue. Sadly, some of the treatment options for the thyroid would mean I have to wean her. I am worried about that too, since she wont take a bottle at. all. But of course she needs her mommy healthy, so I will do what I have to do.

Please pray I find a way to get the care I need before my insurance runs out and that it is NOT cancer.