update

Whoops, I realized it has been 2 months since I have posted. I keep meaning to, but for some reason I just haven't.

Arabella is already five months old. She is pushing 18lbs, sitting, babbling, and starting solids. I am still breastfeeding and loving it. She is like sunshine and I am the happiest I have been in a long time.

I am still battling anxiety pretty hard core. Arabella has started to go long periods between bm's and I worry like crazy. But she is better than any xanax. The boys adore her and it fills my heart to the point it could burst.

Five years ago today I was finding out that we were losing Kai. In five days it will be the anniversary of his loss. I never thought I would feel whole again. We will always be missing part of our family. But I can see now that the pain does dull. I type this with a chunky sleeping girl breathing on my chest and I feel complete.