Things NOT to Say to Someone Dealing with Secondary (or Any) Infertility

1. It's all God's plan.
Yeah, yeah I know
2. You already have x amount of kids.
AND??
3. Why on earth do you want more any way?
no comment
4. But you already had x kids, shouldn't it be easy?
actually it IS easy, we are just making it hard for the fun of it
5. You should just be happy with how many you have.
I AM happy with how many I have, but still feel as though someone is missing from our family
6. Some people never get to have kids at all.
I know, and my heart breaks for those people. But that fact doesn't negate my pain.

And for the bonus round...
What not to say to someone who has had multiple miscarriages:

1. Miscarriages are God's way getting rid of a less than perfect baby.
While I know scientifically this is sometimes true, it's insensitive to point out
2. You keep losing babies, because God thinks you should stop having them.
So you talked to God? And THIS was the information he told you? I feel special.
2. Maybe you just aren't meant to have more kids.
Gee thanks.

These are things said to me, mostly by semi-well intentioned family and friends. I understand that it's not possible to understand how difficult dealing with this is, unless you have been there, but please THINK. Sometimes the only thing you should say is, "I understand".

I am feeling bitter and sad today. Can you tell?

Struggling

I haven't posted for the past week, because I have had a hard time putting into words the way I have been feeling. I have worked so damn hard to be okay with the fact that another baby may not be in the cards for us. Yet, in the back of my mind I have been constantly aware that in a few months, it will be three years since we lost Kai. Never, in a million years, did I think that day, that I wouldn't have another baby by now.

How do I stop my heart from feeling heavy and sad, every time I see a baby? How do I tell myself it's okay to be done at three? I know that so many others struggle to have just one.

I am still young (ish), I have time. It could still happen. I think that glimmer of hope is what makes it harder. If there was none at all, there wouldn't be a question.

I feel ridiculous being depressed, when I am so blessed, but it's where I am right now.

ETA

I wrote this post this morning and decided to not hit publish. After dealing with my crazy boys all day, I still feel this way, but less raw about it all.