Weekend: Swimming and Animal Kingdom

On Saturday, we went swimming in my sister's community pool for the first time this year. I was thrilled to see, Jordan is still swimming pretty well. The kids spent over three hours in the water and we still has to drag them out when it was time to go! The sun and heat are really over powering this spring, even with applying SPF 50 sunscreen all day, we were all significantly darker now.




Not sure what we were thinking when we decided to go to Animal Kingdom yesterday, with a high of 91. Despite the heat we had a great time. The park was PACKED, but we managed to avoid most of the big crowds, and Noah handled the ones we were stuck in okay, he only screamed "SHIT" a few times. Sigh.

We went on the Kali River Rapids, the kids were thrilled, daddy and I are normally not down with the whole getting soaked thing, but yesterday it was welcomed!
After his recent growth spurt (he grew 3 inches since New Years), Isaiah insisted on checking if he was tall enough to ride Everest, but the poor dude is still .5in too short.

The Safari was awesome, as usual.

Disney and Special Needs

A little while back I did a guest post (my first ever!!) over at Theme Park Mom about our experiences in taking a child with autism to the Disney Parks. I was very proud of the post and was thrilled to spread the message to other special needs parents.

The help Disney provides is not just for Autism and like issues. Recently a friend, who has child with food allergies, went to Magic Kingdom. The staff went out of their way to make sure her food was safe. I have witnessed on many occasions, the head chef of a restaurant come from the back to speak directly with guests about how to prepare food in the safest manner.

You would think in with a business as big as Disney, millions of people constantly visiting, they would not be able to take the time to make sure each special need is taken care of, but they manage to every visit (and we go a lot!)

If you are planning a trip to the parks with a special need of any kind, take the time to visit a guest relations center and talk to them about the best options for you to have a great visit.

**I was not paid or compensated in any way for this or any Disney post I do.

Limbo...a little longer

Many of you have read my broken twitter stream today and half explanation of my doctors appointment. I really didn't care for the new doctor at all, but that is besides the point.

I had a another ultrasound, it showed a slightly larger sac than the one I had nine days ago. Unfortunately, there was still no baby. Which by seven plus weeks SHOULD be there.

I was fully expecting the doctor to confirm a blighted ovum and move on with treatment, but he did not. He said as long as my levels rise at all and there is a sac, he will not be willing to say it is not viable until 9-10 weeks.

I nearly crumbled. I CAN NOT deal with the hormones for two more weeks, knowing there is no baby.

The doctor did not listen to me, AT ALL. Not about my history, my concerns about a clotting disorder, or the math just not adding up with this pregnancy. I get that he is trying to be optimistic and that many women need that, but this is not my first,second,thirdforthfifth loss. I don't need happy thoughts, I need the damn truth.

I went to the lab and for yet another hcg test, my levels went from 1050 nine days ago to 3557, they should be between 20-60k. I go back for another draw on Friday. Then for another ultrasound in TWO FREAKING WEEKS. Two more weeks in limbo.

The doctor also wants me to start a higher dose of progesterone, which seems like a mute point to me. Also chemical torture. It makes me miserable and will stop my body from naturally miscarrying.

I know I sound pessimistic, but the truth is I know too much. I KNOW there is no hope. So what do I do? Do I continue to live like I am pregnant and take the progesterone, building false hope? Or do I just let it go and wait it out until the doctor concedes the pregnancy is not viable?

I feel beaten. Tired, angry, sad, beaten.

Thank you all so much for supporting me and putting up with my nonstop whining. I adore you all.

Snow Cone Syrup Recipe

I posted, that I made this yesterday and several people asked for the recipe. It is the easiest thing I have ever made!


Easy Snow Cone Syrup
2 cups sugar
1 cup water

1 or 2 packets of Koolaid

Bring water and sugar to a rolling boil, let boil one minute. It should reach 230F, the stage for simple syrup. If you don't have a candy thermometer, just eye it. After a minute boiling the sugar should be totally dissolved.

Remove from heat and whisk in the koolaid packet(s).

Let cool.

I poured mine into empty squeeze bottles. You can use something like that, a pump, or even just spoon it over the ice.

Some people feel one packet of Koolaid is not enough flavor. I used two and WOW. It's strong, you need to use WAY less than you would with the store bought stuff. Can't wait to try new flavors.

Wordless Wednesday: Bubbles

Limbo

If you follow me on twitter you saw me rant about my doctor drama as it unfolded. Long story short, new doc won't take me on in the middle of a miscarriage and old doc berated me for getting pregnant again and refused to do my follow up care.

It seems unreal right?

Eventually I got the asshole (old doc) to refer me to a high risk doctor. I have to wait for them to fax my records, which are thicker than the phone book, to the high risk and then they will call me for an appointment.

So, right now? I am still technically pregnant. There is no baby, just chemicals, but I FEEL pregnant still. I am tired. Have I mentioned that? So freaking tired.

My hope is that the new doctor will FINALLY do the tests I need to find out what is wrong with me.

Right now, I can't fathom going through this ever again. We desperately want another baby. I think, because of Kai's loss, it will always feel like someone is missing from our family. It's hard to look at my five year old and think that he is our last. None of what is going on right now is happy.

But I will be okay, I really will. I have three incredible little boys and the best husband I could dream of. What more can I ask for, than a man waiting at the door, arms open, saying "we can try again, I love you" and knowing it's OK with him even if we don't.

The next few weeks will be bumpy, as I wait for a physical resolution to this loss.
I was BLOWN away by the support I received on my last post, on twitter and on facebook, you people are all amazing. Thank you again.

Lost

This time I was so hopeful.

I had made it past the mark I lost the last few pregnancies, and was really starting to think this baby would make it. I woke up this morning and felt off. The normal cramps I'd been having were much more painful. I tried to brush it off, but then I had some spotting. Having been down this ugly road five times in the past, I had a sinking feeling.

I knew there was no way I could wait til Monday to know, so I went to the ER. I was lucky, they were empty and they got me in fast. At first the news was good, cervix was closed and no bleeding. They took a gallon of blood and ordered an ultrasound.

I knew. I could see the screen. Even though at the hospital they can't tell you anything, I could see, the sac was too small and empty.

I was sent back to my room to wait for the results. To wait more than an hour, alone. The sinking feeling kept growing, until the doctor walked in the room. Then it bottomed out. The sac was indeed empty, he said it could be just a four week pregnancy. No dice, I have KNOWN for three weeks.

But the real end game was my hcg levels. Two weeks ago, my hcg went from 78 to 155 in 48 hours, an almost perfect double. Today, 13 days later? My level should have been over 10k, it was only 1k.

I burst into tears, horrible ugly tears. I felt crappy for doing it. I try to not to fall apart, but I was really hopeful and this was a crushing blow.

More than likely this is a blighted ovum. Not my first, I had one almost 2 years ago to the month. I am terrified of needing another d&c. No matter what treatment we end up choosing, this will not be over for at least two weeks.

I am tired, so tired. I am also sad, angry, heart broken, and lost. I am more angry than I care to admit, I feel like God is screwing with me. But I am just as angry at myself for getting my hopes up.

Unless my new Dr. finds a miracle reason for all of this, we are done trying for another baby. My heart can take no more.

I wish I could express, what all your tweets, facebook replies, and hugs have meant to me tonight. One thing I don't feel is alone. Thank you all so very much from the bottom of my heart.