Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Happy New Year! 2010

Last year I said I was happy to see the year go, I can't say as I am sad for this one to be ending either. While my family survived and even thrived at times, there was so much sadness for so many others.

I hope that 2010 brings health and happiness to us all, an end to the heartbreak and sadness for many of my friends and family, a better economy, and the safe return of all of our soldiers.

Ah, one of the awesome(not)things about blogging your resolutions it they are still here, in black and white, not on some long ago trashed piece of paper.

So here they are, last years resolutions:

#1 Be a better wife, mother, and friend
I think I have been successful at at least the first two, I am happier, more gentle, and less angry in general. You will have to ask my friends for the last one.

#2 Have a healthy baby!
Actually for a while there I was afraid I couldn't even conceive anymore, but I was able to in September sadly it was another loss.,

in order to to this I have to commit to a few more:
A. Lose 10% of my weight
I need to lose much more, but this is a start
I actually gained 5 pounds. The great knee disaster really hampered my ability to, you know MOVE, for SEVEN damn months. The first month I was bed bound,the next three on crutches, and only in the last two months can I walk without a brace. It's still painful as hell though.
B. Take vitamins and eat well balanced meals
actually doing good on this (most of the time)

#3 Save even more money with coupons
Excluding the last month, I was totally successful with this!

#4 Continue to get A's in college

#5 Blog at least 4 days a week
Did ok with this not 4 days, but I did post a fair amount

My goals for 2010 are pretty much the same. Except I am adding one more:

I am going to work hard on remembering everyday that I am blessed.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Lessons Learned From Christmas 2009

This Christmas was wonderful, but overwhelming.

It started on Christmas Eve, I cooked an huge meal. My brother, father and two of my sisters (Amanda and Alex)came over and we chowed and let Alex open her gifts. As we were all sitting in my living room chatting and groaning over our full bellies, the front door swung open. We all sat there confused and looking at each other, as a total stranger attempted to walk in my house. Finally Amanda spoke up and said, I think you have the wrong house! The woman, who was clearly drunk as a skunk, just nodded, like "oh yeahhh I think you are right" and turned to leave. We quickly locked the door and resumed our evening.

My brother and sister (Amanda)spent the night, so they could see the boys open gifts bright and early. Little did they know HOW early that would be.

There were WAY too many presents, a huge percent of them care of my super generous sister. There were about 130 gifts all together. So when Jordan woke up at 2am to go potty and saw this:

He screamed, "Santa CAMMMEEEEE" until all his brothers were wide awake. And they never went back to sleep. Neil and I admitted defeat at 5am and let them open gifts. That is when the carnage ensued.

We have enough garbage from boxes, packaging, and paper to cover several city blocks.

Later in the day my dad came back, then my mom and step dad, then another sister(Jennifer) and Micheal her very soon to be hubby.

At the end of the day, we all collapsed!

The lessons learned:
Lock the damn front door.
Limit the number of gifts.
Buy the huge hefty lawn bags to clean up the aftermath!
I have a huge damn family!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

Hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

Slap yo momma Sweet Potato Pie

I combined about six recipes to get this one, but hot damn is it good!

Sweet Potato Pie.

yield 2 pies

2 (9 inch) unbaked pie crust
4 cups ROASTED and mashed sweet potatoes (about 3-4 lbs)
4 tablespoons butter, softened
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Mix together mashed sweet potatoes, butter, and eggs. In a separate bowl, mix together sugar, flour, and salt. Mix in spices. Add to sweet potato mixture and stir well. (I just dumped into my beloved Kitchen Aid Mixer)

3. Mix together buttermilk and baking soda. Add to sweet potato mixture and stir. Mix in vanilla extract. Pour filling into pie shells.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 70 minutes, until set in center.

Tips: I normally cover the edges of my pies with foil to prevent burning, but the pie got stuck to it and didnt look so pretty at the end. If you do that take the foil off before the half way mark.

I have peeled, cubed, and boiled the sweet potatoes, then mashed or baked them til soft. I prefer the roasted version since they have a better flavor.


I haven't posted for the past week, because I have had a hard time putting into words the way I have been feeling. I have worked so damn hard to be okay with the fact that another baby may not be in the cards for us. Yet, in the back of my mind I have been constantly aware that in a few months, it will be three years since we lost Kai. Never, in a million years, did I think that day, that I wouldn't have another baby by now.

How do I stop my heart from feeling heavy and sad, every time I see a baby? How do I tell myself it's okay to be done at three? I know that so many others struggle to have just one.

I am still young (ish), I have time. It could still happen. I think that glimmer of hope is what makes it harder. If there was none at all, there wouldn't be a question.

I feel ridiculous being depressed, when I am so blessed, but it's where I am right now.


I wrote this post this morning and decided to not hit publish. After dealing with my crazy boys all day, I still feel this way, but less raw about it all.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ho Ho H...oly crap, what the hell was I thinking?

I won't be online line much today. I will be baking Happy Birthday Jesus cupcakes, making 3 kinds of candy, and caramel popcorn.

I was thinking making the boys' teachers, instead of buying gifts would be more frugal and fun.

I am rethinking that now. First, it's not cheap. AT. ALL. Second, damn I have to MAKE it all.

I am happy to make it actually, just freaking out a bit about how much I have to do today.

If you don't hear from me by tomorrow. Send help. I will probably be stuck to the floor and covered in caramel and chocolate, and not in the good way.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Clean House, Pissy Mommy

Back in the early years of our marriage, before we were blessed with the kiddos, our house was immaculate.

I was neurotic.

Our bathroom towels were tied with raffia bows. I folded the end of the toilet paper into a triangle. Really I did. Everything was shiny and clean.

And it stayed that way even after Noah came along. I don't even remember when I stopped tying little bows on the towels or stopped bothering to put the damn toilet paper on the roll (screw folding the ends). I just ran out of energy for things like that after I got pregnant with Jordan. Then I was put on bed rest and it all fell to crap. The house was a mess and I couldn't fix it. After he was born it just stayed that way.

Fast forward, Isaiah came along and we moved into a new house. I was determined for it to be a new start. Neil and I both were super on top of the household chores. The house stayed perfect for about a year. And in that time I noticed, I was freaking miserable. I didn't want to let the boys make crafts. I freaked over the littlest mess. I was the yelling, screaming mom I never wanted to be.

I had to let go a little. There is a difference between disaster and lived in.

Today I spent all morning cleaning. The house was pretty clean ie, the bathroom did not smell like a truck stop (that's something no one warns you about with a house of boys, they miss the toilet, A LOT). As soon as they got home from school the tornado began and I found myself freaking out and yelling.

I have friends with perfect houses and they seem pretty sane. But I just don't think I am cut out for that. Is it wrong to think that a immaculate house is not worth the stress?

Do you stress over the little messes? Do you have kids and still manage to tie bows on your towels? If you do, please tell me what you secret is! Or what meds you are on.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Meeting

Today I met with Noah's education team to review his recent tests. Every three years the school system retests ESE students for IQ, person skills, social skills, and in Noah's case the Autism Spectrum as well. With the amazing new skills he has gained this year, I was hopeful for great news.

I guess I should back up a bit. Noah's initial IQ test showed he fell very low on the scale. His scores put him in the intellectually disabled category. Most of the team thought these scores were not going to be the same forever. Most people's IQ never changes, but in his case they thought it was more a matter of him not understanding the questions.

So on to today's results...

Noah's IQ has not changed. This is not all bad news, because these tests are aged based, and while he didn't improve, it does show he is maturing. All of his tests showed him to be in the 4-6 year old range. Which at 9 is far from awesome, but again it showed growth. Last time he was in the 2-3 year old range. So in the last three years he has gained a lot of skills. THIS is a huge relief to me. I KNEW he was growing. I KNEW he was learning, but I needed to hear it. I lived in fear for this whole time that he would stay 2-3 years old. Today showed he is still three or four years behind. What is that span of time when he is 20? Not much.

I am thrilled. We are plowing through. He is growing smarter, stronger, and happier everyday.

Tonight he read 10 index cards to me. READ. No pictures, just words. I am so damn proud!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Caught Green Handed

Guess who got into the green food coloring?

What happens when you can't think of a post.

I have been trying really hard to think of something to post about that isn't Christmas related. And I have come up with some brilliant posts. Why aren't they on here you ask? Because I get these great ideas, in bed, after I have taken my Tylenol PMs. Then I wake up in the morning and I totally forget what I was going to write. I thought of a great one the other day and it is driving me CRAZY trying to remember what the hell is was going to be about.

Since I can't remember I will just leave quick updates:

*School is almost over for the semester for me and I am sooo damn happy about it. My brain needs a break. And I am sick of feeling torn.

*Noah and Jordan took part in a school play last week and I missed it.
I sobbed all the way to my class, knowing I was missing them. I had no choice, it was the last class before a final. I am a stay at home mom, I feel like I shouldn't be missing these things. But it happens. Neil taped it and both kids did fantastic.
And I survived.

*I am almost done Christmas shopping. Wrapping...now that's another story.

*I start baking and making candy next week for the boys' teachers!

*Oh and in the not so awesome category, I broke a tooth eating a McMuffin. Really. There was a pebble sized bone in the sausage and CRACK. A huge piece of molar broke off. Sigh. It HURT. I think it was God's way of telling my fat ass not to eat them anymore. Either that or it is time to switch to Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuits.

*But in totally awesome news, I won a $250 gift card to MacMall and $500 to a local charity. Isaiah's preschool had chosen to help the HOPE Foundation this year, so I donated my win to them. Totally awesome!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Yep, it's another post about Christmas...

I may have mentioned I like Christmas, 400 times. As you saw my love of Christmas has rubbed off on Noah. My husband grew up a Jehovah's Witness and really didn't get my adoration of the day. I have been whittling away at his disconnect from Christmas for 12 years and I think my whittling may have snap something in him, because this year? HE is nuts!

Rather than be upset the tree I picked scraped the ceiling (literally it left marks), he was proud! Our tree is the biggest of all of his friends!

And then there is the yard.

That carousel is 8 feet. EIGHT FEET people.

There is an older couple down the road that goes all out, people from the entire neighborhood stop and look at their house. Hubby is now taking it as a person insult if people stop in front of their house and not ours. He is now on a quest to destroy the sweet elderly folks down the road. While driving by them working in the yard, dh muttered, "I got you, I got you". Did I mention we had the van windows open? I am pretty certain the he scared them.

We are now on the hunt for a giant inflatable Mickey Mouse Santa and by we, I mean HIM.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Lights

The other day I posted the video of Noah at the Osborne Spectacle of Lights, here are the still shots I took that day. I love Disney!